The Tale of Roger Rabbit

People who know me often end up asking me to tell them more about Roger. Well – I don’t mind doing that, but I thought I may as well put some stuff about Roger on here – then – in future – I can just refer enquirers to this posting (and perhaps the others that may follow it).

Roger is a rabbit. He is my rabbit.
People often ask what sort of rabbit he is. I tell them he is a BUNNY RABBIT. This usually elicits a “certain look” that I seem to get quite a lot. OK - Roger is a Dwarf Mini Rex. Fortunately, he doesn't sing endless songs about gold - like many other dwarves. And no - we don't feed him dwarf bread - let's just loose all the dwarf jokes, please - they don't amuse him.

Roger is six now - his seventh birthday is 13th June 2005. Sad to say, one human year is about ten bunny years. So...

This is Roger...

Just after this photo was taken, Roger flatly denied hijacking a shipment of watercress and eating half the bag. He looked at the photo as if to say "and your point is...?"

Roger is not your average pet. I don't think he's your average rabbit either. Roger has bucket-loads of character and personality. Prior to Roger, we'd had a hamster. Called Critter. Much as I hate to speak ill of the departed, Critter was, essentially, boring. We are used to growing up around cats and dogs - you get a bit more with those pets than from the average rodent. I had two suggestions for a sequel pet. First up was a pet rock. You can paint them. You can leave them outside while you go on holiday. There are no vet or food bills. If your neighbours annoy you, you can throw your pet rock through their window and then accuse them of kidnapping your beloved pet. You can put a rock on a small wheeled trolley and take it for a walk. Pet rocks are a source of positive peaceful karma. My second choice, moving up the rodent intellectual hierarchy, was a rat. Rats are very smart. I think if you line their cages with newspaper, it has to be a quality broadsheet or The Economist. If you put The Sun in, they'll just wee all over it in disgust. Rats are cool. You can walk around with them in your pockets.

I know this is hard to believe, but I was vetoed on both my suggestions! So unfair! I was gutted. A dog was muted. Over my prostrate corpse! Gill went to the pet shop and fell in love. Game over. No point arguing. A rabbit is also a rodent. I suspect a rat has a higher IQ - not sure. I think Roger was about 3 weeks old when we got him - if I'm wrong about this, I'll update the post. Roger was the runt of the litter, and the last one left. I don't know what would have happened to him if we hadn't bought him. So we went to the local pet superstore and got ourselves rabbited up. Cage, run, food, hay, sawdust, book (they don't come with a manual!). Although the book is called "The Bunny Manual", so perhaps it is fairer to say "manual available separately".

After Critter, and suspecting a low IQ, I wasn't expecting much of a rabbit. We took him to the vet. She went all googly over him. "Isn't he cute!!". He was about small kitten size. Extremely soft grey fur that feels like velvet. Blue/grey eyes. Short stubby tail. She said that because his fur is so thin, it would be dangerous to keep him outside. Quite a few people around us have pet rabbits. They keep them in wooden cages in the garden. And they don't interact with them much. That wasn't our plan. We wanted a pet that would be part of the family. So Roger became a house rabbit. We adopted an Open Door approach to the cage - it's open most of the day.

Roger comes and goes as he pleases. Funny thing - it was almost as if he was pre-house-trained. He would always go back to his cage when he needed to go. So no problems there. To start with, Roger didn't like carrots. That tells you something about Roger straight away. He likes breakfast cereal - not just muesli, but also Rice Crispies, Cornflakes, Shreddies. He'll kill for chocolate. Loves watercress, celery, sunflower seeds and hearts, and cucumber. He'll have the lettuce we don't want.

The Open Door approach has had its drawbacks. Roger has a very laid-back attitude to freedom. Basically, he's not really interested. It's quite common for us to have to kick him out of his cage - in order to clean it, for example. Also, to make him take exercise. That can be quite fun. What you do is you lift him out of his cage, and take him to the furthest corner of the garden. Then you have to race him back to the patio doors! If you get back first, you have to slam it behind you, before he gets back in again. He needs to spend some time outside to wear his claws down and to eat fresh plants and grass. He's not really very enthusiastic about it, though. Generally, within a few minutes, he'll be sitting at the patio doors with his front two paws up on the frame - glaring at you to let him back in.

It is fair to say that Roger amazed me and took me totally by surprise. Rabbits are incredibly needy and affectionate animals! He will spend HOURS sitting on my lap watching TV (he likes Stargate, 24, Battlestar Galactica - most of what we like - he's not keen on Big Brother - maybe he IS smart after all!). He will start off on my lap, but when he gets bored, he will jump off and push whoever is sitting to my right off the sofa. HIS place!

He loves being stroked, picked up, held. At the vet, he will often jump into my arms. He will nestle along my arm, and bury his head in my elbow. He will climb up me and snuggle into my neck. Rabbits love salt. So they like you to death - you could say they're kissing you, but the reality is that they are just licking the salt off you. Sorry. Shattered a nice image, didn't I? When you stroke down their noses, along their ears, down the sides of their faces, and along their sides, they do go into rapture, though. If you do it too much, they can't stand it, and he starts making little cooing noises! But if you do it slowly and gently, you can actually send him off to sleep - and that's really cool!

Once he's sitting next to you on the sofa, you can put your hand down next to him. He'll work his nose down under your hand and then throw you hand back over his head - his way of telling you to stroke his face! He also likes to have his paw held. He'll sit next to you and watch TV with you, but he also likes to have his paw held.

If you ignore him for too long, he'll go into a sulk. Essentially, he'll go back to his cage and sit in there rattling the bars until he gets some attention. Sometimes, he'll turn his food bowl upside down. It's hard not to laugh at him when he does this! :)

Roger lives in the Utility Room - he shares his world with the washing machine and the tumble drier. The washing machine sends him to sleep - I don't know if he watches it, or if it's just the sound and vibration, but he's lived with these two noisy domestic appliances for most of his life - so he's quite comfortable around them.

A bit more about noises and sound. Rabbits are prey animals. Pretty much everything else kills and eats them in the wild (including us, of course). As such, they are quite well adapted to not being seen. I think this is one of the cool things about Roger - he makes me feel very special.
Usually, you won't get within 10 metres of a wild rabbit. I have one that jumps into my arms! How cool is that? Anyway - bottom line is that rabbits make virtually no sound. This can be heartbreaking. A rabbit has to be in unbearable pain and very very close to death before he'll say "ow". I can't overstate this - it's terrible. You have to watch them SO carefully to be aware that there's anything wrong.

Roger does have his health problems. He has a watery eye. It is a chronic condition. We have to wipe his eye many many times a day. He scratches them with his claws and they get very sore and red. We went through a whole raft of test, drugs and injections when it first started, and none of it helped. Plus, Roger got extremely traumatised with all the trips to the vet and
being treated. Wasn't fun. So - for Roger's sake - we decided not to continue down that road - we just look after him really carefully. I hope he's fine. I don't think he's in pain. He does seem a very very happy animal. It gets a bit embarrising to have to explain to the vet everytime, though - "oh - his eye doesn't look so good...". It's a chronic condition - we know about it - we're dealing with it - thank you.

It's quite scary when he goes off his food. Because his fur is so fine, and he really doesn't like being brushed, he does get furball issues sometimes. And - now he's getting older, he does seem to get unwell more often. We've discovered that pineapple juice is really good. I did a Google search on rabbits and furballs and found out about the pineapple juice trick. In the summer, we put pineapple juice in with his water. When he goes off his food, we inject pineapple juice into his mouth (he doesn't like it!). Works really well and quickly, though. The last time it happened, we got really worried - thought it might be his teeth playing up. I went in to the supermarket and bought watercress, celery, and pineapple juice. Intensive care for the bunny! A day later, he was fine - back on his food.

He does have species issues. I don't think he knows he's a rabbit. He behaves a lot like a cat. If you are holding vegetables, then Roger will be the one sitting on your feet. If you open the 'fridge door, that streak of grey tearing towards you will be Roger. He will stretch out on the floor so
you can stroke his tummy. This is not rabbit behaviour!

Roger gets on relatively well with the children. They treat him very gingerly - like he is a china ornament - this makes him nervous. The children don't like to pick him up, but they do spend a lot of time down at his level making a fuss of him. James has some wonderful photos and video clips of Roger. He can get quite bossy with them - like pushing James off the sofa, or nibbling Daniel's feet when he's been on the Playstation for too long. Roger is very definitely part of the family!

Finally - the origin of Roger's name. Since I clearly appear to have precious little control over what pets we have, I DEMAND naming rights! Hence a hamster called Critter - and Roger Rabbit. My cunning plan is that by retaining Naming Rights, I will ensure we never get a dog. I have nothing against dogs. I love other people's dogs. I just don't want one of my own. I would rather we start a dog walking service than have our own dog. I want a dog I can give back - hence - being a very responsible pet owner - I really don't want one. Naming Rights will ensure we don't get a dog. I want a female dog - and we will call her BITCH. So - if you take her out for a walk, you will be faced with the prospect of yelling BITCH!!!!! across the park! Jon and I joke
about this - he was going to call his dog Dave, Steve, Colin or Phil. Good dog names. But Jon wimped out and somehow ended up with a dog called Molly - sheesh! I think Roger is a great name for a rabbit. It always gets a laugh when the receptionist at the vets calls for Roger the Rabbit! ;)

So there you go - now you've met Roger.

He's a rabbit.

Deal with it.